Today’s question comes from Shannon Mopley of Frozen Ark, MO. Shannon asks, “My man always ‘cheaps out’ on Valentine’s Day. How can I get him to spend more money on me?”
You know what they say, Shannon, “Love is blind,” and men have been relying on that statement for years as a means of explaining why they couldn’t find their wallets in time for Valentine’s Day. If it’s any consolation, you’re not alone. I know. It’s not a consolation. I don’t know why I said that.
There are several strategies you could employ to get your special someone to buy you something special. Here’s a list of possibilities:
1. Using guilt as a motivator, provide an overview of the gifts, dinners or trips that your female friends or relatives will be receiving for Valentine’s Day as a means to make your significant other feel positively awful about the Whitman Sampler he was going to surprise you with before heading into the living room to watch “The Walking Dead“. If your fella still doesn’t express remorse, or condescendingly refers to the other men as rubes, suck ups or trust fund brats, guilt’s clearly not going to cut it so immediately move on to Strategy #2.
2. Get home before your man does and throw everything he owns out onto the sidewalk. When he arrives and asks what’s going on, tell him you were so excited about Valentine’s Day, you began searching for your gift and the window must have been open. This provides an opening for your partner to save face and also to recognize the gravity of the situation. If that doesn’t work, you might as well forget about Valentine’s Day for this year and get his mother on the phone and tell her to come pick up her kid. Now, if that seems to harsh and you really still do love the big lug, there’s one last strategy.
3. Take a credit card or all the cash from your fella’s wallet, buy yourself the nicest Valentine’s Day gift you can imagine and then toss the wallet under a sofa cushion or on a top shelf of a closet. If he asks if you’ve seen it, tell him no. Trust me, he’ll understand.
© 2013 The Monkey Bellhop and John Hartnett