Friday Weekend’s “One Size Fits All Horoscope”, March 29, 2013


It’s promises to be a swinging weekend but not in a Frank Sinatra finger snapping martini nightclub limo intimate dinner for two at one in the morning sort of way.   More in a I love you so much don’t ever leave me what did I ever see in you in the first place pack your stuff and get out now mood swinging sort of way.  That’s right.  This weekend promises to be the Superbowl of mood swings and we can blame it on that old devil moon which is in Scorpio and making close to ten alignments with other celestial entities.

How to prepare?  I don’t know.  In fact, I was hoping you could tell me!  I’m kidding.  Just take a lot of deep breaths.  That’s the key to everything now.  Deep breathing.  Used to be V-8 Juice, now it’s the mindful expansion and contraction of the lungs.  Wonder what it’ll be tomorrow?  I haven’t the slightest idea but I bet you $20 it’ll be some sort of app.

If you’ve been one of the three to six faithful readers of this weekend horoscope, you may have noticed that this is the first time I got straight to your horoscope and didn’t go off on some silly tangent.  Since I consider the two people who read this each week to be among my best friends, I don’t mind sharing the news that I recently underwent testing to determine whether I was genetically predisposed to digression.  Unfortunately the tests came up positive but please don’t feel bad for me.  You should know that there is hope for people who veer off topic and more importantly,  there are some experimental treatments that are showing great promise.

Right now, I’m in the second week of a clinical study and doing quite well.  They have me drinking three 10-ounce glasses of V-8 Juice every day.

Have a great weekend!

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© 2013 The Monkey Bellhop and John Hartnett

3 thoughts on “Friday Weekend’s “One Size Fits All Horoscope”, March 29, 2013”

  1. OMG john, you did it again! it’s it’s it’s……..could it be the V-8 ???? as usual, I truely enjoyed this!

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