Friday Weekend’s “One Size Fits All Horoscope”, January 11, 2013


Another weekend is upon us, can you believe it?  I don’t know about you but the older I get time just seems to fly by!  Unless your wife is watching “Downton Abbey” and there’s only one television, which is the case in my house — then time seems to stop completely.   Every Sunday night I have to wait around, wandering from room to room, slapping myself to stay awake so I can get my turn on the couch to watch some old movie I Tivo’d and loved when I was a kid like “The Seven-Ups” or something,  only it ends up being so outdated and grainy looking, I turn it off before the opening credits finish and then after another twenty minutes of clicking around and finding absolutely nothing, slink off to bed in a bad mood, secretly blaming my wife for no valid reason whatsoever because that’s what idiot husbands do.

Probably better off reading anyway.  Makes it easier when you have to yell at your kids to turn off the TV and go out and actually do something.  “See this?  This is a book!  You don’t see me laying around watching television day in and day out!”

One thing, though, if you can get past the grainy and outdated stuff, Roy Scheider and Tony Lo Bianco are great in “The Seven-Ups”.  You believe them as real street guys.

Now most of your leading men have to be dreamboats like Leonardo DiCaprio, Ryan Gosling or Shia LaBeouf –and I know you won’t believe me, but I swear I ordered Shia LaBeouf at a Mediterranean restaurant once;  it had couscous in it, I remember that distinctly; you could probably Google it and the recipe would come right up — but Roy Scheider and Tony Lo Bianco actually look like real guys, I mean I could picture them living in Malibu or Beverly Hills, you know, being loaded and all but still keeping an extension ladder in the garage and cleaning their own gutters.  Maybe slipping the trash guy $20 to take an old sofa even though they’re not supposed to do stuff like that.

Photo from People Magazine

“Mr. LaBeouf,  Tobey Maguire is on the phone and he’d like to know if you can go to Rome this afternoon to shop for fountains.”

“Tell him thanks for the invite but no can do, Edward.  I still got the gutters on the other side of the house and it’s already 2:30.”

Right.  Just trying to picture that in my mind gives me the same headache I get when I try to figure out what existed before the universe was rolled out for public consumption.

The universe.  I am so sorry!  Here I am blathering on and on and this post is about you and your horoscope for the weekend.  I’ll make it quick because I kept you long enough.   This weekend you will find plenty of inspiration all around you.  Be open to it and if the opportunity arises to try new things, this is the weekend to say yes!  For example, should your significant other suggest that you tape “Downton Abbey” instead of watching it live on Sunday night so that you could, ah, you know — savor it later – you just might find this change in routine as refreshing as an ice cold glass of 7-Up!

Have a great weekend!

© 2013 The Monkey Bellhop and John Hartnett

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