Friday Weekend’s “One Size Fits All Horoscope”, February 8, 2013


Greetings from the Big Easy!

That’s what they call New Orleans. I’m down here for Mardis Gras and not to blow my own horn but if you happen to be on St. Charles Avenue around 7:00 tonight, you’ll see a guy on a float dressed in a costume and a mask flinging beads with reckless abandon. Chances are that won’t be me; we all dress the same and your own family can’t spot you half the time and they know exactly which float you’re on, but anyway, I’m on one of ’em.

The only person I ever heard refer to New Orleans as The Big Easy –who was supposedly from New Orleans– was Dennis Quaid when he played a police officer in that goofy movie of the same name, “The Big Easy“. Ellen Barkin was in it, too. The only thing that saved me from running out screaming into the night not more than ten minutes into it was the fact that Ned Beatty was in it. He can do no wrong in my book. “YOU HAVE MEDDLED WITH THE PRIMAL FORCES OF NATURE, MR. BEALE!” That was Ned Beatty in “Network”. If you haven’t seen it; you’re in for a treat.

I wish there was a way they could remove certain drawers in the dressers of your mind where you keep the memories of all your favorite movies so you could see them again like it was the first time. But you can’t. At least not yet. But on the other side of the coin, one thing you learn from trolling around the Internet, somebody, somewhere is working on everything you can possibly imagine and everything you can’t imagine. Or don’t want to. I always get the feeling there’s a lot of that going on, don’t you? Come to think of it, if I put something out there on the Web or better yet, up on Craigslist and said I was looking to get my favorite movie memories erased from my brain, I bet you within 5, 10 minutes tops somebody’d get back to me saying they could do it for $12.

Check out the poster and then we’ll get straight to your horoscope, I swear. Can’t you just feel the steamy humidity and smell the magnolia blossoms as if you were right there in The Big Easy with them? Me neither. It smelled more like magnolia trees in Perth Amboy, NJ when I came storming out of that movie theater in 1987 after the manager refused to give me my money back when I complained about how bad everyone’s accents were. Except Ned Beatty. He can do no wrong. Jeez, I just said that. You know what? I’m gonna give that Craigslist brain guy a shot.

Weekend horoscope. Without further adieu. Overall, February is an easy going month horoscopically speaking due to a prevailing watery Pisces theme. According to my sources, Mercury and Mars will be entering Pisces this week with Venus and the Sun coming into Pisces a week or two later in third and fourth place respectively, but still not bad, considering the distance. Because of Pisces’ watery nature, stay clear of people who have colds because sneezes will travel further and due to the influence of the new moon on the 9th, with greater viscosity. This is a very good weekend to chill out and take life easy, perhaps try to find out why all those Madison Avenue people spend millions and millions of dollars to produce and air a commercial that only appears once during the Superbowl.

You may find friends and relatives, even business colleagues to be very stubborn this weekend. This has a lot to do with Saturn, who is often referred to as the “issue planet” by the other planets. Try your best to be accommodating but don’t feel you have to bend over backwards unless you actually do feel like bending backwards but if that’s the case, just make sure it’s your idea.

Well as they say all the time in New Orleans, and this is a fact, because I’ve heard it first hand, laissez les bon temps rouler. That’s French for Let the Good Times Roll! You know what? Come to think of it, I’ve only seen signs, flags and t-shirts that say laissez les bon temps rouler. Now I’m thinking the only time I actually heard laissez les bon temps rouler spoken was in that Dennis Quaid movie. The movie people. They screw up everything.

Have a great weekend!

© 2013 The Monkey Bellhop and John Hartnett

3 thoughts on “Friday Weekend’s “One Size Fits All Horoscope”, February 8, 2013”

  1. In your first paragraph shouldn’t it be you’re.  I may be wrong but I thought it should be float you are on (you’re) as opposed to your on. 


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