Friday Weekend’s “One Size Fits All Horoscope”, February 1, 2013


Ran out of regular coffee this morning and pulled out a bunch of frozen “I can’t remember what or when” things in zip lock bags from the refrigerator freezer in the basement and found a container of Trader Joe’s Peppermint Coffee.  I’m drinking it but I feel like I’m on break at Santa’s Workshop.

There I go, talking about myself again when this column is supposed to be about you.  Happy Friday!  TGIF.  Big weekend, horoscopically speaking!   You know, now that I think of it, that acronym for “Thank God It’s Friday” may have been the great granddaddy of all the other acronyms that have been invented during our current social networking digital technology no longer face to face why are you talking to me can’t you see I’m texting you from the back seat communication boom.

TGIF.  Back when acronyms were analog, man.  I love that word, “analog”, don’t ask me why because I’m not even 100% sure what it means.  I also like ending sentences with ‘man” every once in a while because when I do,  I conjure up a specific image of this droopy, long haired Esalen degreed hippie from 1967 saying “man” to punctuate declarative statements and it makes me smile because the guy in my head is so earnest about things no one really gives a hoot about that you just want to give him a slug of chianti from your bota and tell him it’s not safe to hitchhike any more.   I know I give certain things a lot more thought than they deserve but the upside is I usually don’t get out of my pajamas until noon and they’re pretty comfortable.  Especially the ones with the feet attached.  Don’t laugh, they make them.

Just to close the door on this topic, it’s this weekend astrologer’s belief that TGIF is a cultural icon now and worthy of sharing a place in the Smithsonian, along with the Apollo Lunar Module, the Conestoga Wagon and Julia Child’s kitchen.  It should be behind a velvet rope, too, but one that gets taken down on Fridays, to reward those who appreciate subtlety and also visited the TGIF exhibit on days when the rope is still up, otherwise how would they know?

Your weekend is going to be filled with activity.  It’s Superbowl weekend, of course and with Saturn still lurking about, pay careful attention to your diet and salt intake.  The temptation to eat and drink things that are not good for you will be particularly strong due to the fact that 74% of America believes this game is going to be a complete dud and will spend more time rooting for the commercials.   Also, steer clear of any food item that says it contains blueberries because recent news reports indicate that packaging statements indicating there are actual blueberries in your cereals and snacks is the second biggest lie next to Lance Armstrong’s story about Manti Te’O’s girlfriend being the one who put performance enhancing drugs in his smoothie when he wasn’t looking.

Finally, because I’ve kept you long enough, be watchful of your finances and don’t bet too much on the game unless all your money is on Madison Avenue.

Have a great weekend!

© 2013 The Monkey Bellhop and John Hartnett

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