Friday Weekend’s “One Size Fits All” Horoscope, October 4, 2013
This weekend there is a great deal going on across the entire universe with the exception of Washington, DC.
I wasn’t planning to post my Friday Weekend One Size Fits All Horoscope today out of solidarity with Congress and their decision to shut down the federal government but then it occurred to me that I hate Congress and the fact that they shut down the federal government. So, full steam ahead.
Here in New Jersey the weekend looks very promising. It remains very warm and there are few signs of fall with the exception of mums everywhere you look. Mums are the last “flowerly” bastion of the warm weather experience before everything turns grey and cold and icy with people shivering uncontrollably, scavenging for firewood, wiping runny noses on coat sleeves or sneezing into open purses because of the incredible cost of Kleenex® on the black market and sneaking about in the dead of night to avoid being hauled in and interrogated by the authorities. Sorry. I saw this foreign movie last night that took place in Eastern Europe and I guess some of it kind of stuck with me.
Personally, I don’t care for mums. I consider mums to be the undertakers of the flower world, harbingers of impending doom and gloom, nature’s way of letting the rest of us know there’s no need for short pants any longer and that it’s time to start worrying about how you’re going to find the cash to make a good account of yourself over the holidays. Sizing us up to see whether we will crack under the relentless freezing cold of winter, that’s what mums represent to me. If flowers were a baseball team and I was the manager, mums would bat ninth.
The only thing worse than mums are those ornamental cabbage and kale things people plant to impersonate flowers during the dead of winter to add a hint of color and hope. Hah! As if a head of cabbage or kale in a flower pot could begin to conceal the bleak and endless days and nights that blur together because the sun is out for what, six hours? Waking up in the dark because of Daylight Savings Time! Coming home in the dark! People who still snicker if you wear earmuffs even though everyone knows they work! What’s the point of winter? There is no point to winter!!
Shifting gears for a moment, here’s a picture of Peter Lorre I found on the Internet. As always, no charge. And sorry for the stuff about the mums. As you can probably tell, I’m one of those people who grapples somewhat with seasonal change. Mums are OK.
On to your horoscope. There is a new moon this weekend, Saturn will be in Scorpio, Uranus will be Aries and members of Congress will be in restaurants all over Washington, DC eating and drinking on us.
If you are an artistic or creative type, this is a good weekend to finish a project, particularly if you live with someone who views your project as just goofing off. Your oldest friend in the world will call you to let you know that he or she will always be there for you, no matter what problems or obstacles you face with the exception of getting in the middle of any kind of feud with people who are skilled in the use of firearms or explosives and appear to have nothing to lose based upon their clothing and musical choices.
This will be a good weekend for nature lovers as all national parks are free if you know how to climb a fence or unravel barbed wire.
And finally, if you are out socializing this weekend and find yourself in a restaurant, when the check comes, looks up at the waitperson, smile and say, “Uncle Sam said he’d pick up the tab!” It’s worth a shot.
Have a great weekend!
© 2013 The Monkey Bellhop and John Hartnett