Don’t fret about Global Warming. I figured out why the temperature is changing everywhere and actually it’s a good thing. It’s because as a people we’re evolving spiritually and becoming more tolerant of other climates.
- If things weren't bad enough in OK,a gluten-free couple from KS just filed suit after the tornado dumped 2 tons of wheat on their lawn.#OK 5 hours ago
- I think if they changed the name "gutter" to "street lounge", winos would not grapple quite so much with self esteem issues. 6 hours ago
- No Job, No Man, No Sleep huff.to/17UG9Ib via @HuffPost50 My friend Vicki Abelson - on being an artist and trying to make it all work. 8 hours ago
- "You know, maybe if someone made a cool action hero movie about us,we wouldn't be quite so vindictive. Did you ever think of that?" The #IRS 9 hours ago
- Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Give a man seven fish and you can rest assured someone's going to start calling you an enabler. 9 hours ago
- I just found a book I literally could not put down. The glue from the spine leaked through the cover and the damned thing fused to my hand. 3 days ago
- The White Light People See When They Die wp.me/p2ySS-Is via @wordpressdotcom It's real. 4 days ago
- North Korea should fire their social networking guy. I haven't heard a word about them dropping a bomb on anyone for at least a month now. 4 days ago
- "Would you mind checking again?" -- Dr. Joyce Brothers, after being informed by St. Peter that Dr. Ruth is still alive and living in NYC. 5 days ago
- Couldn't locate a matching blue sock today but while rummaging through my drawers I found a reason to keep living underneath an old t-shirt. 5 days ago
John Hartnett and the Monkey Bellhop
I've always depended upon the kindness of strangers because as long as you don't know their names or where they live, you never have to spend money on thank you notes or gifts. Not much to tell, really. When I was born, my parents placed me in a small wooden boat and pushed me out into the center of the Pulaski Skyway where I was rescued and ultimately raised by a pair of opposums. Sadly, they died when I was very young. At least I think they died. From there I joined the Merchant Marines and was the only toddler in World War II to sink a Japanese battleship while being burped. When I returned to the states, I got a job at Gimbels Department Store and have been there ever since even though they went out of business in 1986. I have always valued loyalty over money and if that's wrong, talk to my wife. You'd get along famously.